The Genetics of Telepathy

Band-Aid Nose Man
Downtown is snot funny

Over 10 ten years ago I started writing some X-Files fan fiction ('Fly Paper'). Ever since that time, I've occasionally thought about how The X-Files could be morphed into a "real science fiction" television show. In my view, The X-Files has always been a paranormal police procedural that was mired in absurd amounts of meandering conspiracy theories and lame monster horror.

I'm not a fan of horror, and I don't pretend to understand what it is about horror stories that appeals to some people, but as an example of a "lame monster" we need look no further than last night's episode, 'Home Again'. The magically odoriferous "Band-Aid Nose Man" seems to be the latest reincarnation of the garbage monster from 'Arcadia', a season 6 episode.

Let's science the shit out of this band-aid!

Episode A
Mulder recovers a "band-aid" at the scene of a grisly murder and has it subjected to forensic analysis. The poor evidence analyst is baffled because the gunky material on the band-aid can't be analyzed; he claims that is is neither organic or inorganic.

Where are we?       First, will someone please teach the intern about the difference between "S10" and "S1".....

nose job

The slime-coated monster that appears in 'Home Again' (script) magically arises from -and disappears back into- a mysterious garbage truck. Why does the monster have a band-aid on its nose?

another creature that was
"thought into being"
by Trashman

We are told that Band-Aid Nose Man originated from a sculpture for which the artist had to hold the nose on with a band-aid (see the image to the right). We are also told that the artist (known as "trashman") can bring creatures into existence just by thinking about them, as was the case for Gene Gogolak back in 1998.

It is fun to imagine a science fictional backstory that would account for the paranormal mysteries of The X-Files in terms of imaginary science. Can we science the shit out of Band-Aid Nose Man?

The big break in the case: "special spray paint" that is used by Trashman and only sold by one store.

Mr. Science: "It's not alive. It's not dead."

Golly Mr. Science!
Just when science might actually tell us something interesting about Scully's "alien DNA" or the material constituents of "Band-Aid Nose Man" then suddenly the evidence is unavailable. Welcome to The X-Files. However, forensic science does successfully advance the FBI investigation in 'Home Again".

The X-Files Law of Science: science need only work when Glen Morgan's episode is running out of time; if 5 minutes remain in the show and we need to catch the damn perp already, then vibrational analysis can quickly save the day!

We are responsible for the science fictional backstory.

My preferred imaginary science solution to most mysteries is to call upon nanites for a "future science" explanation. I've previously suggested how nanites could account for all the shape-shifting that appears in The X-Files. Similarly, the Band-Aid Nose Man could be composed of non-hadronic self-assmbling nanites.

Paranormal Genetics
What about telepathy and telekinesis? As was true for the previous episode, in 'Home Again' there were two episodes in one. In episode B, we were reminded of William's paranormal abilities and Scully's ability to communicate to and from an alternate universe of "dead souls".

Home Again, Episode B:   Scully's mid-life crisis

A quarter for your telepathic thoughts.
Margaret Scully's link to Charlie?

In 'War of the Coprophages' we were teased with the science fictional idea that if a space alien suddenly arrived on Earth then such a visiting alien might not have the form of a biological entity. If there has been contact with space aliens in the X-Files backstory, then maybe there are alien-derived nanites on Earth that can "genetically reprogram" humans.

Our Struggle

Maybe one of Charlie Scully's children displayed telepathic abilities, leading to his "estrangement" from the rest of the family. If there are alien-engineered genes in the Scully family then maybe that is why William ended up with telekinetic abilities.

Babylon 6  or  X-Files: The Next Generation

The final two episodes of "season 10" were written by Chris Carter. It looks like episode 5 will tease us with new Mulder and Scully analogues for "X-Files: The Next Generation". Most observers expect episode 6 to set up a "cliffhanger" entryway into a possible future season 11. Will Carter bother to provide a coherent science fiction backstory? I doubt it, because doing so would risk putting an end to Carter's anti-science fictional tease.

Location, location, location!
Vancouver beach, Washington, D.C.

It is all rather sad. Nothing has changed in 23 years from what was in the original X-Files pilot episode.

I suppose that Chris Carter would be happy to endlessly keep producing the same type of "we never get anywhere" stories. It reminds me of the Millerites. Is there a Carter Cult, a group of fans who only hold in common a deep and endless desire to believe? In the Carter Cult, you do not have to believe in anything, so Carter never has to deliver any answers, just an endless stream of mystery. Yawn.

visit the Gallery of Posters

I probably should not say that "no answers" have been provided. For example, at the end of season 9 we were supposed to view Carter's story as a kind of Superman comic. In Carter's version, Superman's kryptonite was a special metal from a meteorite. Or something. These are the kinds of "truths" and "answers" that a 12-year-old would laugh at.

I don't know which was more absurd, Mulder's trial at the end of The X-Files or the trial at the end of Seinfeld.

Heading into the end of Season 10, will Carter mention the year 2012 or do a zombie revival of Mulder's belief that he can speak to the dead?

Next: genetically engineered humans

Zombie Morphing Alien Cowboys of the FBI