Jun 19, 2013

Rebooting Hollywood Profits

To boldly repetitively go where the ca$h will flow.

"...all the big action battles, chases, fight scenes, all that stuff would never have any meaning..." ...that just about sums it up for me.

The original Star Trek series had to have miniskirts and frequent fist fights or even occasional sword fights in order to satisfy the Hollywood money juggler$. However, in the Star Trek fictional universe humans have done away with primitive cultural artifacts like money.

Mr. Abram$ reboot$ the $tar Trek ca$h-o-matic franchi$e back into the 20th century where mindle$$ $ummer action flick$ can $till bring in the buck$.

Dr. Marcus goes undercover with Kirk on Orion
John's Summer Fantasy
J. J. could have taken us into the future and done something novel like put Spock in command of the Enterprise.

.....when Kirk gets demoted, Pike orders Spock to sell Kirk into slavery on Orion as part of a spy mission. To Kirk's surprise, there are other human slaves there, including Carol Marcus, who is in pursuit of the advanced biological knowledge of the Orions.....

Silly me
But seriously, did anyone mention to Abram$ that he was making a Star Trek movie, not a Star Wars flick? Abram$ made a Hollywood action flick using some old characters with familiar names, "an adventure that is a little bit more speedy, a little bit more action adventure, a little bit more intense" and that does nothing interesting in -or to inspire us about- the future.

And: a little bit more action than what? Last summer's no-brain action movie, some other blur of explosions that has already been forgotten?
Oh, and one more thing....

Search for Interesting Aliens
...oh joy, more Klingons...

Think of all the interesting characters and aliens that Gene Roddenberry brought to the screen. Imagine a reboot that showed us some backstory for Flint during his last visit to Earth before returning to Holberg 917-G.

Or show that the aliens of planet Exo III actually did have space travel and tell us where they went and how they interacted with the Federation.

On second thought, it is probably for the best that Abram$ defiled Kahn and only trotted out Klingons, aliens who I don't care about anyhow. Still, I did let myself have hope.

Flint and Rayna I visit Earth
It is easy for me to imagine Flint as an Interventionist agent on Earth. Some mysterious aliens from planet Exo III have been secretly living on Earth for millions of years. Flint is their human agent who the aliens have given extended life and a robotic assistant, Rayna. If you must involve the Klingons, have Flint's mission be to channel from the aliens to Star Fleet just enough technology so that the Klingons can be handled by the Federation.

2013 SIHA Awards
The 2013 search for interesting aliens in Hollywood has been abandoned. I'm giving my award for "interesting alien" to Wanderer, in The Host. I'm amazed on each occasion when the folks in Hollywood make a movie about aliens who arrive on Earth and do something other than mindlessly go to war or try to blow everything up.

Before the Golden Age; 1924.
Reruns: 2012 SIHA Awards
Timewarp: 2014 SIHA Award
SIHA 2015
2016 SIHA
September 15, 2013
"Screw science, this is Hollywood"
My kids are watching Into Darkness and I just heard mention of stopping a volcano with cold fusion. That might be funny if it was not in the middle of everyone shouting and trying to generate drama.


I hope James Doohan can rest in peace.

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